Finally, someone said what we're all thinking about Marcus Aurelius's "Meditations."

For centuries, this book has been revered as the pinnacle of Stoic wisdom. Self-help gurus quote it. CEOs keep it on their nightstands. Life coaches treat it like the ancient world's answer to therapy.

But what if we told you it's actually the philosophical equivalent of a dumpster fire?

This isn't your philosophy professor's translation. This is Marcus Aurelius like you've never seen him before—unfiltered, unhinged, and absolutely roasted. Our translator strips away all the reverent nonsense to reveal what the Emperor was REALLY saying:

• Life is meaningless (but also deeply meaningful?)
• Don't care about anything (except care about everything!)
• Other people are trash (but serve them anyway!)
• Death is coming (and you should be EXCITED about it!)
• Pleasure is evil (except when it's not!)
• Nothing matters (in ways that matter immensely!)

Discover the Marcus Aurelius who:

• Contradicts himself every other page
• Uses circular logic like it's going out of style
• Thinks your feelings are the enemy
• Basically invented toxic positivity 2,000 years early
• Makes nihilism sound like a lifestyle choice

Perfect for:

• Philosophy students who suspect it's all BS
• Anyone who loves historical figures getting roasted
• People who tried reading the original and gave up
• Overthinkers who need to laugh at their own overthinking
• Those seeking ancient wisdom about death (there's A LOT about death)
• Fans of comedy meeting classical literature

WARNING: This translation may cause uncontrollable laughter, existential crisis, or both simultaneously. Not recommended for people who think ancient philosophers were infallible.