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An intimate and beguiling memoir about what we keep behind the doors of the past, how it haunts the present and what it takes to make sense of it all.

Helen Longstreth’s chaotic childhood: the relentless cycle of her father’s alcoholic relapses, the six kids coming and going, the apologies and uncertain forgiveness, the meals that bring the family back together again. But while she is studying in America, the land of her parents’ birth, her father dies – and it all comes to an abrupt end.

In the years that follow, she is drawn back to America and another world of chaotic love and alcoholic madness, dying fathers and lost boys. The same problems in a new arrangement.

Ten years after her father’s death, Helen returns to her childhood home to spend a rainy summer with her mother. Her father’s office, his briefcase, and his desk loom beneath the leaking roof. At last, she begins to open the drawers…

'Beautifully considered' Sophie Elmhirst

'A revelatory true story about love in all its forms' Dizz Tate

'A wise, empathetic tale of addiction, love, and family strength' Frances Wilson

‘Tragic but funny and with an eye for telling detail that few writers can match’ Blake Morrison

'I read it with pleasure and admiration' Chetna Maroo

© Helen Longstreth 2026 (P) Penguin Audio 2026