Mental illness. Addiction. Pain. Fear. Control. Abuse. What images do those words stir in your mind’s eye? For me, those words paint a darkening abyss filled with millions of gallons of heaviness, guilt, and duty trapping me in tangible darkness. My former spouse could not see us or find us because he was locked away in his own mind of mental illness, then became trapped by substance abuse, and would strike out in forms of domestic violence. He had suffered painful experiences in his childhood, and that pain warped and twisted his mind and awakened the genetic mental illness that runs in his family. I share the stories as he told them to me: sometimes during drunken depressed states and other times with sober clarity, to give background. I describe abuse in two ways: the hunter and the caged animal. Both ultimately have control as the foundation. His mental illness was awakened from his pain, and as stress was added to it, he needed to control everything. How? As a caged animal strikes out at anyone to free itself; others are damaged in that process.

In 9 years of marriage, we went through various stages; incredible rays of the sun, to dimming light, to growing darkness, to finally inky blackness of the abyss of abuse. Why do I share this story? I write it for the victim. Why? Because there is more than hope, there is light, and I want you to know that you have worth within you more than you can ever know. I am an author, speaker, and life strengthening coach who helps the battered, beaten, and broken discover their strength to heal so that they become a victor in the light! My story is what I learned as I descended into this dark abyss and how I found pinpoints of light that led me back out of it. Now I am a beacon of light to others!