Families are some of the most consequential institutions in our lives. Being born to a wealthy, well-functioning family would put you ahead of the majority of the people in the world, whereas being born to a poor, dysfunctional family can cause trauma for life. Unfortunately, we do not get to choose our families, and I have straight-up told my father before that I’d rather be aborted than have him as a father again.

My mother is a loving individual, who really tried her best. However, decades of physical, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse really takes its toll on a person’s psyche. As a result, as much as I wish I could make her happy, my mother is an extremely insecure, immature, and petulant individual, who can’t seem to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around her. Considering the fact that she was abused for so long, I thought I’d be able to provide the loving and kindness to her that my father never did. And so, I invited her to live with me for a semester while I was in graduate school. Fast forward six months later, and she is running around the city, going to the local church and retirement home to cry, picks a fight with me in public, and humiliates me in front of the girlfriend I had at the time. How did the situation get so bad? After all, the only reason I invited her to stay with me is because I wanted to make her happy, right?

As it turns out, the proverb “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” is true.

I understand my mom was at the receiving end of extreme violence and abuse. I really want to be there for her. But she is too much for me. Her negativity, her nagging, her insecurity, and lack of emotional maturity have all made her a toxic person to be around.

Worst of all, I enabled her.

This is that story.